yesterday

I'm committed to writing a sentence every day. And I completely forgot to yesterday. I was given the opportunity to work on a project a few weeks ago and when the project was first given to me, it seemed like it would be pretty straight-forward. And like my part in it would be almost unnecessary because of how simple the ask was. But the way that they kept talking about it... I started to twists it up more in my head. Now we're a few weeks out and it looks like it's coming to completion, but I'm not settled. I don't believe that I've done a good job. I feel like if it gets to the next stage, there will be even more questions and that I'll be found out as dumb because I can't seem to get a grasp on it. That project has been on my mind this whole week. And every time I feel like maybe I understand it a little better, I get to a meeting and there's more to consider. I know that I'm getting flustered because I like things being to the point right away. I also know I'm getting flustered because as much as I enjoy what I'm doing, the responsibility feels like too much for me. I also know that I'm getting flustered because I can't seem to be able to get a grasp on what's going on! And I'm getting flustered because I can't tell if I'm just limiting myself or if this is an indicator to bow out. I'm also frustrated because I can't seem to tell what's me being stubborn and what's be being prideful and what's me being fearful. This isn't just with regard to work or just this project either. I think this project just is bringing some of this stuff up to the forefront again.

Lord, I'm grateful for time. I'm grateful for your protection. I'm grateful for your comfort. I'm grateful for the opportunity. I'm grateful to have YOU! That I can run to you with this. That I can sit with you in this. That I can cry to you. That I can dance with you. That while I start to clutch harder onto it, that you can be the one to remind me and encourage me to loosen that grasp. I thank you that it isn't all about me. I thank you for the part that I get to play. I thank you that ultimately you're in control. I thank you for the ideas that you're gifting me with. I thank you that you're with me even in my uncertainties. GOD! I thank you for the development of my heart. I was going to say most of all, but I don't know that that's true. I do thank you, thank you, thank you!!! For my development. That even if I am expressing frustration or anger or fear or sadness, that you cover me with your joy and your mercy and your grace. I love you♡