the man who can’t be moved

i used to think people were crazy or maybe just disingenuous or delusional when they talked about Jesus. but look at me now. and i wouldn’t put it past me to have gotten myself into some sort of rabbit hole, but truly i do believe this is the life i was meant to live. there was a song I grew up with that said “prueba a Cristo, la respuesta a tu vida”. honestly I had a hard time with the terminology. sin, repentance, enemy, suffering. having grown up around it was tough. maybe i was predisposed to hearing negativity. because i actually do know a lot of people even in my family that were able to receive love and joy and acceptance hearing or being in the same environment that i was in. for whatever reason for me it didn’t register the same. i have darkness in my memories. the brightest points i can remember i can also see them as dark. and for such a long time that darkness has won out. i remember hearing that Jesus is my best friend. Jesus loves me. but then there’s blood and la gran tribulación. Jesus is love. God is love. God is not a person. Jesus was the perfect person. God loved us so much he sent his only son to suffer for us. also in the spirit of honesty, i never would have imagined that my life at this point would revolve so heavily around Jesus. it wasn’t even until this year that i actually even tried to understand Jesus. something about his name sounding so common. like if he’s truly the Son of God, if he truly is God - wouldn’t his name be something more i don’t even know, grand? mystical? i don’t even know the word i’m looking for.

Jesus loves me. God the Father loves me. i am so incredibly loved. i am crazy but i am free. that‘s actually pretty close to what it feels like. i’ve struggled a lot to get to this point. but for whatever reason Jesse McCartney’s song Because You Live was playing in my head: “because you live and breathe, because you make me believe when nobody else can help, because you live… my world has twice as many stars in the sky.” i’ve held on to tightly to different identities and it just got to a point where i couldn’t keep up. and yes some of them were essentially lies but most of them were genuine and true. i was just unnecessarily binding myself to them. it’s quite literally mind boggling to me now and probably even more so to me from before that i’ve found freedom in Christ. i wish i had the words for it entirely and that i could Perfectly express what i mean, but for right this moment. i just have to say thank you for being my man who could not be moved. my man that would not be moved♡