sinking in

this lyric "i was tossed in the water, but i never went under" kept looping in my mind today. i woke up at 7am, had breakfast, and watched a message. i'll see if i end up doing a wrap-up of the week's messages and how they've all been interlinked and how they've applied to me this week. but, i watched the message and then i took a nap. i had a dentist appointment scheduled, so it was a quick nap since i had to be up and ready to leave. it was raining today, too. but i walked over with my dad and it was actually a really nice walk. i got checked out and then we walked back home. i'm actually really glad that the appointment was today because i don't think i would have gone out for a walk on my own otherwise. at least this way i was still able to get outside even if it wasn't on my regular route or for my regular distance. also, funny thing to me and maybe you'll remember this later, but i checked the address when we were already past the half way point and the map said the office was closed on thursday. i almost freaked out, but kept going, and i'm not sure if their information is outdated on the map, but it was definitely open. or it's open on thursday by appointment.

after we got home, i did my pilates routine. i'm really liking doing a hip opening stretch routine afterwards so i looked for one to do today. i actually had wanted to do the deep hip stretch yesterday, but it's 40 minutes and i thought i might be cutting it too close to my meeting yesterday. i looked at it again today and almost made an excuse for why i wouldn't do it. i think in my mind it was that i didn't want to do so long of a stretch, i didn't want to do it today and then not have it available on another day. that latter excuse was because i don't always like repeating something too much. which is hilarious for me to say right now, because i can tend towards repeating and doing something i like to the point of excess. maybe it's an exercise thing. but i did end up doing it and, thank you Holy Spirit for the guidance on that.

here's the thing for me about hip opening stretches. i practiced yoga during high school and i remember our teacher saying that people can tend to cry during hip opening stretches because we can store and hold our emotions in our hips. i'm pretty sure we were about to learn how to do pigeon pose when she said this. and i have been wanting so badly to cry during these routines. i haven't ever gotten to, though. i did a stretching routine yesterday, too and that was actually really tough. i did the poses well enough, but i could feel myself holding tension. and today i felt some of the same. this routine that i did had the variation option to use a pillow and i've been so adamant about not using any support because i've been wanting to get the deep stretch. but actually, today i did use the pillow support. what a difference! maybe it was because my face was on a soft surface instead of being pushed down into the mat? but that sense of support made such a difference! i thought it was really curious, too that i would finally let go and lean into the stretch and sink into it and that's when i would be prompted to start getting out of it. it wasn't the instructor's fault, either. the time to be in each of the stretches was actually really long, or a good amount of time. it had just taken me that same length of time to let go. i've said before that i have a bit of a trusting problem. and today i had a slew of thoughts running through my mind as i was stretching and one thing that came as a meditation was - i can trust you. as in i can trust you, God. and it's true, i can. you've proven yourself to me time and time again, over and over. it was the best stretch i've experienced, definitely. even without the tears.

thank you♡