Jesus saves

Hey :)

That's actually more of a sideways kind of smile, but not a true smile. Like this guy:

Another good day, too I might add. I technically only had one work task to complete, but I've been having trouble with it mostly because it's not a task that I can complete on my own. It's more of a managing task, so I have to keep checking in, but I don't want to be a pest, but I have to check in. And today I was also hit with additional questions that I didn't immediately know the answer to and I just really did not want to keep being responsible for this. Anyway, I woke up, had breakfast and while I was in the middle of breakfast I heard you whisper your sly little suggestion to go for a jog today. I started one of the Nike Running plans a few months ago and it's supposed to be 3 runs a week. I haven't followed the training in that way at all. But I heard you. And I questioned and bickered. But after breakfast I got myself ready. I did my pilates routine for the day and then went out. I did a warm-up first and got started. It actually wasn't really too bad at the start, but I did feel a little tight. I got one block down and had to stop because a car was crossing. Honestly, I got annoyed because the car didn't let me pass and when it was crossing it was crossing so slowly. Not my proudest moment for patience since I annoyedly waved the car forward. Not like it made any difference of course, but it was a little something I could do to feel like I had any semblance of influence there. Anyway, the driver didn't even notice and I kept going. Also, I cancelled my music streaming subscription last night. And this morning I did find a live recording that I liked and had planned to share the link with myself to my phone so I could listen to that on my run. But I completely forgot about it until I was already outside, so I also didn't have any music for the run. I think I tripped myself up a little by focusing on that. So three little inconveniences to start out. I kept pushing though. There actually was a moment where I felt like I had discovered how to truly run because I wasn't heavy - it was like I was being sprung forward. It was so much fun! But it didn't last the whole way, I could definitely feel the resistance my body was feeling. But I'm so happy for all of me! Because we did pause when we had to wait for crossing which I think was only like twice times if I'm remembering correctly. And even though I did slow down throughout, I'm so glad to have finished! I was getting annoyed and frustrated because the running guide kept checking in at like 2-3 minute intervals. I really don't like that sometimes. I'd rather the check in come at longer intervals so that it's not such a constant reminder of how much there is still left. But I think it was just because I was annoyed to begin with. And it probably was actually really good for me to hear the encouragement and to be able to focus on something else even if it was in annoyance. It took me out of the focus on how my body was handling the run. All in all, though I think my body did so well! I did notice that my quads carried a lot of the burden once I stopped, so I noted that because I definitely know that my glutes and hamstrings don't engage as much as they could.

I'm actually feeling the smile more sincerely now. I was feeling a little down about the work situation, but it really did lead me to praise and worship. It's helped me seek in a way that wasn't fully dependent on dire desperation. Still desperate, but not without hope. Expectant. Joyous. And I just keep realizing that I don't want to do anything alone anymore if I don't absolutely have to. So if you're offering, I'm accepting, absolutely! And if I can ask, I'm asking, ABSOLUTELY!

ILY!! Thank YOU for loving ME!♥◡̈